May is Mental Health Awareness month. It is a good opportunity to reflect on the growing number of children of all ages, including preschool age, who have significant social emotional needs in our communities. We also want to share what we know about the students who participate in our school based counseling programs and what seems to be helpful to them.
First Impressions
So often, first impressions are misleading. Our students with social emotional needs can appear defiant, irritable and confusing to others. What we consistently learn over time is that what looks like defiance may actually be fear, what looks like irritability may be anxiety or depression and what looks like confusion may be shame or hopelessness. Compounding these challenges, our students often do not feel worthy of good things happening to them. Their self esteem reflects the challenges they have experienced when they have tried to connect with others and not gotten what they needed or repeatedly tried a new experience and it has not gone well.
There is always more to understand. Parents often tell us how much they wish their children could be better understood by others and appreciated for who they are. It is true what our colleagues from “Reclaiming Youth Inc.” have observed, “that the more we know their story, the more the behavior makes sense”.
When we listen, we learn that their stories can include trauma, neglect and significant family stressors. There may be learning issues that have been misunderstood or unidentified, biological factors that are hard to pinpoint and the cumulative effects of not being successful as they deal with their world. When we know their story, we are often stunned by their resilience and humbled by their willingness to try again.
What Do We Know
As helpers in this journey, our role is to be curious, compassionate, creative and optimistic. We need to have expectations that positive change can occur and focus on the strengths that are present for every child. While there is much to be learned about what can be helpful, there are truths that we already know can make a difference. Here are a few to consider:
· Relationships with caring adults enhance self esteem and help develop trust and connection.
· A sense of belonging is a foundation to learning and emotional growth.
· It is necessary to consider all aspects of a student’s life; school cannot be separated from family or the community when we are looking for solutions.
· Needs are complex and thoughtful assessments and good communication are essential to help us understand and plan.
· Often our students are without the social skills needed to successfully negotiate the demands of their world and get their needs met in healthy ways. These are skills that can be taught.
· Students need highly motivating opportunities to develop skills and a sense of mastery. They will need support in different forms as they try these new experiences.
Perhaps most importantly, we have learned that the more complex a student’s needs are, the more they need a team of people who are joined by their shared concern for the child and a passion for their success. Members of a team bring different perspectives, resources and talents to the table. When a child-centered team is working well, the richness of possibilities opens up and the goal of our child living a happy life seems more imaginable.
Written by Mary Hutchens
Director of Counseling for School Success
Franziska Racker Centers
